she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
