haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
