My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
