I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
