youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
