Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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