Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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