fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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