maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
