we made out on top of his cat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
