Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wear drunk well.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
