And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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