That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
