I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want nice things and good sex
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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