"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
