you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
