sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
