Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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