Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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