Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
