i don't like sucking hair
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
