Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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