she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
