It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
