Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
