I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hippo gnu deer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
