You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
