apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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