DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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