What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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