I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
