Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
