I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
