But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
