Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
