i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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