I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
