Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
BRING THE BAGELS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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