i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
