he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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