you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
