Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
