It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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