she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
