Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
