I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
