i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
