Betty ford says i'm here all night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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