porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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