Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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