guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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